Fear.

What are you afraid of? Or are you not "afraid" of anything?

As a rule, I am not a fearful person by any means. I like to believe I am actually rather courageous about most things. The last couple of days, however, have put me back in my place. We, as people, are not fearless and unafraid all of the time. It is naive and pompous to think otherwise. When it comes down to it, we are all afraid of at least something. We may not hide under our blankets when we hear the house creak at night; we may not cower in the corner during a scary movie; we may not even jump and scream when someone pops around the corner to scare us. But, this doesn't really prove anything. We all have fear even if we don't outwardly show it. No matter how deep dark and secret our fears are, they are still present. 

This goes for me as well. Even though I hate to admit it. I sat in the hospital for the last couple days scared out of my mind. It was the most humbling experience I've had in a long time. I have mentioned previously that I have an insane fear of sharks, but the fear I've felt in the last couple of days blows my shark phobia out of the water. I would rather spend an entire week in a shark tank than ever deal with the tests and possibilities I've endured these last few days.

I have come to a conclusion, though, and it is that I am not afraid of death. I do not fear the end at all. I fear an incomplete life. That, and needles. I really hate needles. Completely irrational, yes I know. But, as hard as I try to not be totally horrified by them I am. I pass out and silently cry when I'm around them. So this week has been a living hell. No sharks involved, but the prospects of not living a complete life and being a human pincushion has been out right wretched. Not the way I would have liked to spend my spring break, but what can ya do? All I can do is pray we figure out what is going on with me, and that it comes at no more expense to my ego haha!

Fear isn't something I think about often, but it seems that it has been on my mind this week. Something interesting to ponder about, no?